8685309 Reasons He Is Not Into You or 5 Signs a Man Is Interested

I remember, probably 10 years ago, a male friend describing the behind the scenes actions of male behavior when dating. For some reason I had a drawing or something that had a star on it. He quite seriously pointed to one point on the star and said something to the effect of, “see this right here, this is you, but over here *points to another point on the star* this is the girl he broke up with last month, and over here *pointing to another point on the star*is the girl he met last night, and here *pointing again* is the one who got away.” It was shortly after this he looked at me and I descended into uncontrollable laughter that brought tears to my eyes. The point was taken and I believe it was something to the effect of, there are a lot of factors at play you don’t know about when someone is trying to decide if they want to date you. There may be 8675309 reasons a guy is not into you. Never the less, in the spirit of the star, here are 5 definitive signs a man is interested and likes you.

1. He Shows Up


He will find a way to be around you. If it’s at the office, he will find some reason to walk by or make conversation or ask some question to start a conversation. If you are at a party etc. he will be talking to you or in your general vicinity looking for a reason to talk to you or trying to muster up the courage. At the gym, he will suddenly have the same workout that requires him to be on the machine nearby. The point is he will want to be in your presence and find a way. If you are trying to figure out where he is or wondering why he is someplace else when the opportunity is there for him to be near you and he rarely or never takes it. He is likely not interested.

2. He Finds a Reason To Touch You hands-437968_1920

There are friend zone touches that are deliberate and usually more of a firm a pat on the shoulder or even a shove. Friend hugs are the *side friend hug* where no personal body parts touch. The full frontal long embrace hug where they smell your hair is out of the friend zone, unless he’s really into shampoo. Hand holding is out of the friend zone. Unless you are five years old and crossing the street or need help because you just fell, extensive or lengthy hand holding is more intimate and not friend zone. To be more specific knees (unless kicking the back of in sports), thigh, waist, neck are alloutside the friend zone. But initially he will be in your space, close enough to accidentally brush your arm, graze your hand or something of that nature.  People in social situations do not touch the bodies of people they don’t like unless you work in the medical profession and you have to as a part of an examination.

3. He Calls and/or Texts

The calls or texts aren’t monosyllabic answers like “yeah” or “ok” or “cool”. He will ask you questions about yourself. They will become more real questions about your life at some point not simply your favorite color. Furthermore, he will ask you about your day. But if he’s really interested and not simply being polite it won’t be a general “how was your day?”. It will be specific like, how a meeting went or how your grandmother is feeling because he knows you went to visit her. In addition, it won’t take all day or until the next day for him to respond. Unless he is a coal miner or fell into a well, most people have their phones on them and if he is interested he will respond in a relatively timely fashion. His phone will not constantly be in peril, dying mysteriously, not working, won’t charge or sends a message that is clearly for someone else. Take into account variables like meetings or being with children. It might not be in 30 seconds but if it’s 12 or 24 hours he’s has other things holding his attention and you aren’t one of them.

4. If He Asks You Out Again It’s On a Weekend


Weekends are prime time, and precious. Weekends are where you do things and spend time with people who are important or doing things you don’t ordinarily do on a Tuesday. Weekends are also time he could be spending with his buddies. So if it’s a Saturday at 8 and when it’s over he is asking when he can see you again or what your schedule is he probably likes you. If it ends with “text me” or “I will catch up with you later in the week and see what you are up to” forget it.

5. He’s Talking About YOU 

While everyone eventually does the post-mortem about their past relationships, if a man is endlessly talking about other women when you are sitting right there in front of him you are in trouble.  If he is a narcissist and has an unconscious need to assert his history of conquering women, RUN, he should be focused on you. In addition, if he is carrying on about awful past dates and relationships he may just be an unhappy person and that’s not something you need either. If he is interested, he will want to talk to you, about you and to you.  If he is not, then he is likely not interested.

In summary, you can think about it much like you would making a new friend who you really like. You will both want to give each other time and attention. It doesn’t have to be all consuming or 24/7 but it will feel easy and will leave you with answers not questions.

If you are struggling in love, work, or relationships and would like help contact me at:  203-871-1540 or info@taratherapy.com
therapist, psychotherapist, professional counselorTara is a licensed professional counselor, licensed alcohol and drug counselor and certified yoga teacher. She has worked in behavioral health for over 16 years and currently has a private practice in West Hartford, CT. Her writing has been featured in Wallingford Connecticut Magazine, she is a contributing writer on practiceofthepractice.com and she is a regular contributing guest on Radio 103.5FM WNHH “The Culture Cocktail Hour”. Having learned from personal experience she is passionate about helping women heal from the past and embrace their future. To find out more about Tara visit:

Twitter: @TaraTherapyCT

photo credit to pixabay.com


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